the little things

Sometimes, the little things in life can add up. Some bad little stuff (like stubbing a toe, or pouring spoilt milk into coffee) which irritate us can lead to an necessary encounter, while some good little things (like catching a bus/cab outside the front door) can lead to a happy disposition. It really is up to us to let these things get to us.

There was an encounter today at the local petrol station. Dude A parked his car to buy some stuff from the petrol station supermarket, and Dude B wanted to fill up his tires with air. As there was no place, Dude B parked behind Dude A while waiting for the air pumping station to free up (a guy in the 'air pumping lot'). He started filling up his tires when it came to his turn, by which time Dude A returned to his car. He asked Dude B to shift his car, Dude B replied he's almost done. Dude A asked how come he parked behind him to fill air, Dude B replied how come he took so long in the supermarket and there were other lots available instead of this lot next to the air pump filling station. Dude A said stupid, Dude B replied with "stupid old man". Dude A said something about Dude B's car, Dude B retorted. Out came the handphones, to either make a call or to take photos. [you can see how this is stupidly escalating over a trivial matter]

I'll pause here to state that I had taken over the original 'air pumping lot' and was waiting my turn. I wanted to mind my own business and stood around my car inspecting my paintwork and admiring pattern of watermarks which left dust streaks. Was going to revert to the age old 'ceiling inspection routine' when Dude B came over to pass me the air hose, saying "dunno why [he is] so rude,...." So i proceeded to fill my tires. As i was coiling up the air hose (i wonder how many people actually do), this really silly scene greeted me: two grown men waving handphones in each other's faces to take a momento home.

I just finished up and got into my car when I saw one bat the other's handphone onto the floor, and thought "oh cripes, that's torn it." So i got out of my car and approached them. Funnily enough, both were trying to justify themselves to me (oh why me?) but i wasn't listening to tell you the truth. I just didn't want these two fellers to resort to physical violence over what is technically nothing. Stepped in between them and said "Uncles, just relax lah. Let's just take a step back and chill" [stupid thing to say rite? if the uncles knew how to chill, i wouldn't have had to step in! duh!] The situation got resolved as I left (someone else wanted to use the air pump) and Dude B left just as i did, thereby allowing Dude A to get home.

I understand that in these situations, one can let these little things get out of hand and next thing you know, you are wearing a gorilla suit, jumping up and down on your car and waving a pokemon toy [dun ask]. But honestly, thinking about it more now, it really seems sillier and sillier, lol.

That was one popular air pump.

Untitled post

Couldn't think of a suitable title for today's (this month's) post. Had thought of rojak or hodgepodge, but decided in the spirit of speak good English campaign, I'd leave it untitled. =)

Speaking of good English, I'm sure the first person that comes to mind is a Miss Ris Low, our newly crowned Miss Singapore World 2009. After hearing her speak, I thought the world must be coming to an end, and even it wasn't, she would have made it go "Boomz" anyway. *facepalm* There are some out there who are suggesting that we give her a chance to improve her diction, her phrasing, her choice of words and her incoherentness. That's like preparing to send out best table tennis player by selecting someone from the rugby team....don't worry, plenty of time to improve those ground strokes and top spin smashes. It must hurt the ears of English teachers everywhere to hear a massacre of those words tumbling from her mouth, much like the proverbial bull in a chinashop. Smashing!

An example of not so good English my yours truly. I was having lunch with a good friend at one of those cafes that sell pasta and 'western food', although the place was run by a chinese family and we were served by a thai waitress. They got our orders a little mixed up and we managed to amuse our fellow diners by saying to the waitress "eh, i didn't order this! This is mee pok (fettuccine), i ordered mee kia (spaghetti)!!"

Quip of the day: (at work)
z: Yo, heard about the new guy that just joined us? He's into collecting watches as well, just like his roommate.
m: Yeah, heard that he has an IWC, although that is nothing compared to his roommate.
z: Would that mean that an arms race is on? *snigger*

Ok, i couldn't resist another, this time with ww. In my defense, i was driving when we had this conversation.
ww: I've been thinking of getting a foot file.
z: Why? So that you can punch two holes in a broccoli and save it for later?
ww: Foot lah, F-O-O-T!

[and later along Scotts road]
ww: That's interesting, an adult novelty shopt just above a KFC.
z: Gives new meaning to the phrase "finger lickin' good eh?"
ww: *facepalm* impossible to talk to you today.

Moving along, came across this post on toilet urinal protocol from one of my favourite online comics, xkcd, which gave me a few chuckles. It may have been reiterated from somewhere but he did add some fresh perspective by formalizing the process in math (geek alert!).

Excerpt of a conversation with the wife today ('cos i was running late):
zeenie: sorry baby, am running late, was held up by work.
zeenie: Work: this is a stick up!
zeenie: Me: what do you want from me?
zeenie: Work: your time!!! muwahahahaha
wifey: errr....oooook

Music-wise, i've been watching quite a few more youtube vids as usual, like these: Lee Rit's Rio Funk, Bela Fleck's Big Country, and Victor Wooten's Zenergy. Some points of note (in the order posted): Who's the fantastic bassist? What instrument is Bela Fleck playing? What is the time signature of this song? =)

Also, we went to a concert of Jeremy Monteiro and Howard Levy, featuring Paul Ponnudurai and they rawked! Mr Levy was in a class of his own, i can see how he used to play with Bela Fleck and the Flecktones. He played Amazing Grace with a harmonica, in 3 parts, featuring a constant bass, rhythm fills and the melody, at the same time!?!?! WTF?!?! *jaw drop*
Was amused to see a photo of myself at Gremspot, although it's a little small so it's a case of "spot the zeenie". =)

Took a work personality profile and this is one it came up with:

Does not like too many work demands, prefers to work at own pace.
Punctual, completes work on time.
Detailed, meticulous and observant, quick to pick out abnormalities.
Objective, but may appear detached.
Does not get involved in other's personal problems.
Not concerned with rank, title, or position.
Sees people as nice and friendly, not comfortable to wheel and deal.
Orderly, methodical and systematic, takes care to plan in detail.

Kinda true i suppose. lol

back in the writer's seat

After being overly reliant on twitter and facebook updates to deliver soundbytes, i figure a thoughtful cogent post a week is a better way to go in terms of writing my thoughts and feelings. I was going to devote this first weekly post on what these weekly posts would be about, but i think i'll just write about whatever that comes to mind.

As convenient as twitter and facebook are, i do feel they lack clarity of thought and become to concise and terse. Writing is an elegant art that should be given time, thought and space to express oneself. Facebook is really good at wasting time in terms of filling in quizes, playing silly games to get a higher score than everyone else, playing more silly games to reach some silly everchanging goal, or even playing/dressing/feeding a virtual pet. Wanna waste some time? Just rely on the good old internet to provide some great gems.

Switching to real life pets now. Recently we celebrated Jeanie's 11th birthday, quite a quiet affair, and i dun think she knew what the fuss over her was about. LOL. She did get the marrow of a bak kut teh dinner as well as some durians after, so she was quite happy (and psyched by the time i came back!). She's such a lovely happy dog who never fails to make me smile and lift my spirits, truly man's best friend. =) In other dog news, Kingsley has moved to the land of windmills and tulips and promptly announced his arrival by winning a photo contest! The king is in da house!! Details here.

Job-wise, I have to admit that I've been thinking about leaving this profession altogether, as it has become rather pointless. Actually, it's probably because it is so hard to succeed, and i once thought the moment i get it, that's it, i'm set. Having seen some of my predecessors succeed, i'm not so sure success is that rosy, as it appears to entail more stress, more responsibility and more crap for not much more compensation. Even considered teaching, as quite a few people have remarked that i make a good teacher (dun ask me why, i happen to think i'm a terrible cynical teacher).

One option that has always been there since i pass my teacher's grade is music, but to succeed in that in Singapore is difficult at best. Teaching would drive me crazy i think, although it would be a steadier source of income compared to performing. Playing solo or in a band would be awesome, although that would mean living on air for a while. Still, i have resolved not to stay still and strive to improve myself. I have taken the middle path (as usual) of hanging on to the day job and looking for side opportunities in music at the same time. So far.....nothing. But at least i'm playing more varied music (was asked for a sample from the Gabe Dixon band and that was an interesting excercise) and am learning more and more each week. Having a good solid band helps, and i can think of no one else i'd rather play with than my church band (you guys rock!).

the madness of it all

TODAY Weekend • November 29, 2008
Teo Xuanwei

NEWS of her body being found on the 19th floor of the Oberoi Hotel in Mumbai filtered through to Singapore’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs (MFA) at about 8pm on Friday night.

Ms Lo Hwei Yen was found dead by Indian security personnel.

About one-and-a-half hours later, Ms Lo’s husband, Mr Michael Puhaindran, identified the body as that of his 28-year-old wife, making her the first Singaporean to have been killed in an overseas terrorist attack.

“We would like to convey our sincere condolences to the family of Ms Lo. This is a tragedy for all Singaporeans,” said a spokesperson from MFA, which alerted the media shortly before 6pm of a press conference later in the evening.

.... Ms Lo, a lawyer at Singapore-based offshore firm Stephenson Harwood, had been taken hostage on Wednesday night when armed militants took the Oberoi Hotel where she had been staying with guns and grenades.

Our deepest condolences to Michael and Ms Lo's family.

I don't know her or Michael, but ww knows Ms Lo. I feel sad reading about any loss of life, particularly needlessly in this case.

This is not about religion nor politics. This is about a small minded group of people trying to make a larger population live in fear because no one wants to listen or subscribe to their message.

I try to think the best of people, but in this, i think that there is special place in hell for the terrorists. May they rot there forever.

Overheard over lunch

Ww: I wonder what happened to the peanut pancake stall?
Z: I think it folded. Heh heh heh
Ww: *facepalm*
Z: They say the guy went nuts! Ho ho ho
Ww: *evil eye* you say somemore!
Z: Personally, I think he spread himself too thinly. LOL
*thwack*
Z: …..but I nair say “somemore!”……
Amused looks from fellow diners, while zeenie take a bow.

driving in m'sia

What are roads in Malaysia used for?


Written by a foreigner residing there. A funny read, humurous but a bit lengthy
David Astley, an British/Ozzie guy!! now living in KL
A guide for expatriate drivers in Malaysia


Since arriving in Malaysia in 1997, I have tried on many occasions to buy a copy of the Malaysian road rules, but have come to the conclusion that no such publication exists (or if it does, it has been out of print for years). Therefore after carefully observing the driving habits of Malaysian drivers, I believe I have at last worked out the rules of the road in Malaysia . For the benefit of other expatriates living in Malaysia, and the 50% of local drivers who acquired their driving licences without taking a driving test, I am pleased to share my knowledge below:

Q: What is the most important rule of the road in Malaysia?
A: The most important rule is that you must arrive at your destination ahead of the car in front of you. This is the sacrosanct rule of driving in Malaysia . All other rules are subservient to this rule.

Q: What side of the road should you drive on in Malaysia ?
A: 99.7% of cars drive on the left hand side, 0.2% on the right hand side, and 0.1% drive in reverse (be on the look out for drivers reversing at high speed in the left hand lane of freeways, having just missed their exit). Therefore on the basis of 'majority rules', it is recommended that you drive on the left. However, be aware that only 90% of motorcyclists travel on the left hand side - the other 10% ride in the opposite direction or on the sidewalk. Fortunately, motorcyclists traveling in reverse are rarely seen.

Q: What are the white lines on the roads?
A: These are known as lane markers and were used by the British in the colonial days to help them drive straight. Today their purpose is mainly decorative, although a double white line is used to indicate a place that is popular to overtake.

Q: When can I use the emergency lane?
A: You can use the emergency lane for any emergency, e.g. you are late for work, you left the toaster plugged in at home, you are bursting to go to the toilet, you have a toothache or you have just dropped your Starbucks coffee in your lap. As it is an emergency, you may drive at twice the speed of the other cars on the road.

Q: Do traffic lights have the same meaning as in other countries?
A: Not quite. Green is the same – that means 'Go', but amber and red are different. Amber means 'Go like hell' and red means 'Stop if there is traffic coming in the other direction or if there is a policeman on the corner'. Otherwise red means the same as green. Note that for buses, red lights do not take effect until five seconds after the light has changed.

Q: What does the sign 'Jalan Sehala' mean?
A: This means 'One Way Street' and indicates a street where the traffic is required to travel in one direction. The arrow on the sign indicates the preferred direction of the traffic flow, but is not compulsory. If the traffic is not flowing in the direction in which you wish to travel, then reversing in that direction is the best option.

Q: What does the sign 'Berhenti' mean?
A: This means 'Stop', and is used to indicate a junction where there is a possibility that you may have to stop if you cannot fool the cars on the road that you are entering into thinking that you are not going to stop.

Q: What does the sign 'Beri Laluan' mean?
A: This means ' Give Way ', and is used to indicate a junction where the cars on the road that you are entering will give way to you provided you avoid all eye contact with them and you can fool them into thinking that you have not seen them.

Q: What does the sign 'Dilarang Masuk' mean?
A: This means 'No Entry'. However, when used on exit ramps in multi-storey car parks, it has an alternative meaning which is: 'Short cut to the next level up'.

Q: What does the sign 'Pandu Cermat' mean?
A: This means 'Drive Smartly', and is placed along highways to remind drivers that they should never leave more than one car length between them and the car in front, irrespective of what speed they are driving. This is to ensure that other cars cannot cut in front of you and thus prevent you from achieving the primary objective of driving in Malaysia , and that is to arrive ahead of the car in front of you. If you can see the rear number plate of the car in front of you, then you are not driving close enough.

Q: What is the speed limit in Malaysia ?
A: The concept of a speed limit is unknown in Malaysia .

Q: So what are the round signs on the highways with the numbers, 60, 80 and 110?
A: This is the amount of the 'on-the-spot' fine (in ringgits - the local currency) that you have to pay to the police if you are stopped on that stretch of the highway. Note that for expatriates or locals driving Mercedes or BMWs, the on-the-spot fine is double the amount shown on the sign.

Q: Where do you pay the 'on-the-spot' fine?
A: As the name suggests, you pay it 'on-the-spot' to the policeman who has stopped you. You will be asked to place your driving licence on the policeman's notebook that he will hand to you through the window of your car. You will note that there is a spot on the cover of the notebook. Neatly fold the amount of your fine into four, place the fine on the spot, and then cover it with your driving licence so that it cannot be seen. Pass it carefully to the policeman. Then, with a David Copperfield movement of his hands, he will make your money disappear. It is not necessary to applaud.

Q: But isn't this a bribe?
A: Oh pleeease, go and wash your mouth out. What do you want? A traffic ticket? Yes, you can request one of those instead, but it will cost you twice the price, forms to fill out, cheques to write, envelopes to mail, and then three months later when you are advised that your fine was never received, more forms to fill out, a trip to the police station, a trip to the bank, a trip back to the police station, and maybe then you will wish you had paid 'on-the-spot'.

Q: But what if I haven't broken any road rules?
A: It is not common practice in Malaysia to stop motorists for breaking road rules (because nobody is really sure what they are). The most common reasons for being stopped are: (a) the policeman is hungry and would like you to buy him lunch; (b) the policeman has run out of petrol and needs some money to get back to the station; (c) you look like a generous person who would like to make a donation to the police welfare fund; or (d) you are driving an expensive car which means you can afford to make a donation to the police welfare fund.

Q: Does my car require a roadworthy certificate before I can drive it in Malaysia ?
A: No, roadworthy certificates are not required in Malaysia. However there are certain other statutory requirements that must be fulfilled before your car can be driven in Malaysia.
Firstly, you must ensure that your windscreen is at least 50% obscured with English football club decals, golf club membership stickers or condo parking permits. Secondly, you must place a tissue box (preferably in a white lace cover) on the back shelf of your car under the rear window. Thirdly, you must hang as many CDs or plastic ornaments from your rear vision mirror as it will support. Finally, you must place a Garfield doll with suction caps on one of your windows. Your car will then be ready to drive on Malaysian roads.

Q: What does a single yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means parking is permitted.

Q: What does a double yellow line along the edge of a road mean?
A: This means double parking is permitted.

Q: What does a yellow box with a diagonal grid of yellow lines painted on the road at a junction mean?
A: Contrary to the understanding of some local drivers, this does not mean that diagonal parking is permitted. It indicates a junction that is grid-locked at peak hours.

Q: Can I use my mobile phone whilst driving in Malaysia ?
A: No problem at all, but it should be noted that if you wish to use the rear-vision mirror to put on your lipstick (women only please) or trim your eyebrows at the same time as you are using a mobile phone in the other hand, you should ensure that you keep an elbow free to steer the car. Alternatively, you may place a toddler on your lap and have the child steer the car whilst you are carrying out these other essential driving tasks.

Q: Is it necessary to use indicator lights in Malaysia ?
A: These blinking orange lights are commonly used by newly arrived expatriate drivers to indicate they are about to change lanes. This provides a useful signal to local drivers to close up any gaps to prevent the expatriate driver from changing lanes. Therefore it is recommended that expatriate drivers adopt the local practice of avoiding all use of indicator lights.
However, it is sometimes useful to turn on your left hand indicator if you want to merge right, because this confuses other drivers enabling you to take advantage of an unprotected gap in the traffic.

Q: Why do some local drivers turn on their left hand indicator and then turn right, or turn on their right hand indicator and then turn left?
A: This is one of the unsolved mysteries of driving in Malaysia